How to Remember to Remember
I recently taught a workshop on how to practice what you learn in Alexander lessons during your day-to-day. While it’s true that meeting regularly with an Alexander teacher is essential if you want to make lasting changes, the most vital learning happens outside of lessons, as you begin to apply what you’re discovering. The AT isn’t a set of exercises, but it’s crucial to practice every day. So, what exactly are you supposed to be practicing?
This is a question that arises when we begin to practice mindfulness meditation too. As has been famously said by nearly every dharma teacher, we don’t meditate to get better at meditating, we meditate to get better at living. Formal meditation is a practice which, done regularly, has amazing beneficial effects. But unless you’re a monastic or have the luxury of going on a long retreat, you’re not spending the majority of your time in meditation. So what can you do when you’re not meditating that will support and strengthen present moment awareness?
Start by seeing everything you experience as a place of practice. This is known as “informal” mindfulness. That’s why neither the Buddha nor F.M. Alexander gave exercises to do; there is nearly nothing you can experience that wouldn’t improve with an increase in mindful embodied awareness. Some of my most powerful learning and transformation has happened “off the cushion” and outside of hands-on AT lessons. In fact, my favorite thing about knowing the AT is how much it helps me do everyday tasks like household chores, driving, and sitting at my computer writing a blog. Through dharma practice and insight meditation I have a better understanding of how my mind works, which can help my relationship with myself and others.
Everyday living is where you want to see the fruits of our practice, isn’t it? Informal mindfulness can happen anywhere, any time, but you have to intentionally choose to allow it. The power of this is not lost on most people; they understand that present moment attention beats being a robotic sleepwalker any day. The problem is that we forget to remember to pay attention in this particular way called mindful.
The real practice, then, is remembering to remember, to bring awareness back into whatever we are doing. You can try the Pause and Sense experiment outlined below or attend to your bodymind in some other way when you remember to.
This isn’t going to happen by magic. If you want to “get better at living,” you need to commit to remembering to practice. Here are some ways to do that:
· Put stickers on various places where you’ll see them – bathroom mirror, computer monitor, refrigerator, phone, car steering wheel. When you see the sticker, pause and sense. Bring full attention to what you are doing as you are doing it. After some time, you won’t notice the stickers anymore, and you’ll need to move them to new sites or change the stickers so they become fresh reminders.
· Set an alarm on your phone or computer, a literal mindfulness bell to ring at intervals (30 or 60 minutes perhaps). This is a good one for activities that tend to keep you in your head (writing, long meetings, doom scrolling, etc.).
· Choose a daily activity -- brushing your teeth, putting on your socks, drinking a cup of tea or coffee, feeding your pet, watering the plants – anything that is “low stakes,” to which you can slow down and bring awareness. You can apply your Alexander directions and/or your general mindfulness to this thing you do every day. Pause before you begin, sensing “there is a body.” See if you can remain sensually aware as you engage in the activity. How can you make this fresh and accomplished with ease?
· Set a regular time that is in between activities – just before bed, upon waking, before you leave work, etc. Decide that you’ll use this gap to bring mindful attention to the experience of transitioning from one thing to another.
· Schedule it, give yourself a mini lesson. You can make an appointment with yourself just like you do with your AT or dharma teacher. Actually put this on your calendar. Just don’t stand yourself up!
Learning how to minimize the hours you spend in unconscious, automatic thought and behavior is pretty simple, but it takes time. If there was a quick fix for it, I’d be practicing and teaching that. But real substantial change typically happens gradually over time. It’s a lot less pressure to just ask yourself to begin building in small, easy informal moments of mindfulness.
One last pro tip: If you realize that you forgot to remember, that’s a mindful moment when you are actually remembering! Please don’t be hard on yourself or feel discouraged. Try a new strategy and see if that helps.
Bodymind Experiment: Pause and Sense
Whatever you are doing right now, pause.
Acknowledge “there is a body.” Know this true fact by feeling it.
Sense whatever you can. You might sense:
· the weight distribution of your feet or sitting bones
· the temperature inside and outside the body
· areas of tension, areas of ease
· vibrations, tingling, pulsing, itching, etc.
· moisture or dryness
· sounds – what are you hearing?
· sights – what are you seeing?
· flavors and odors – are you tasting or smelling anything?
Feel free to do absolutely nothing about whatever you are sensing. Just feel it, perhaps lightly noting what you are aware of. “This is sweetness,” “this is warmth,” “this is secure support,” and so on. Appreciate these moments of coming home to your life through the body.